


Moonshadow

by caleyedoscope



Series: Claire de Lune [4]
Category: BoA (Musician), DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, JYJ - Fandom, K-pop, SHINee, SMTown
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, DBSK - Freeform, F/M, K-Pop - Freeform, M/M, Supernatural Elements, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caleyedoscope/pseuds/caleyedoscope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong’s always dreamed of having a pack and a mate. But when he finally thinks he’s found one, it isn’t at all what he had expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a PREQUEL to the events of Clair de Lune.

Jaejoong dreams of a having a pack.

He hates being alone, hates having to protect himself, and hates having no one to protect. He’s even starting to get sick of Wolf. _Not really_ , he soothes the beast inside him. Wolf just laughs. He understands. They’re both so very, very lonely.

He’s shaken from his thoughts when another copy of his book is placed in front of him to sign. It’s another fangirl smelling of arousal and hope and he plasters on a smile when he asks her name. _For Hyebin, my incredibly beautiful fan_ , he writes on the inside cover, and is sure to underline beautiful several times. “Aren’t there pretty idols for you stand in line and wait to see?” he asks her. He grabs a second copy of his book he sees in her bag and opens that one to sign as well. He hates the one book per person rule.

“Yes,” she says, blushing, “but I like you, too.”

“Well, I’m honored,” Jaejoong tells her, “is this supposed to be for a friend?”

Her blush darkens and she nods. “Ye Eun.”

Jaejoong signs for Ye Eun, whom he’s sure is “just as incredibly beautiful as her friend, please come see me yourself next time and we’ll take a picture!”

He likes to break the rules sometimes, especially when it makes other people happy—and she’s glowing. Also, there’s a rather familiar, unpleasant smell lingering in the line and he doesn’t want that person to reach him. Wolf is growling. But Hyebin can’t stand there forever and he has to shake her hand dutifully and wave goodbye.

He has a fair amount of fans ranging in age and kind. His youngest of the day is a boy that doesn’t look more than ten years old—a little young to be reading some of the scenes Jaejoong’s writes, but he’s not one to judge. If the kid is paying for his book than it’s his duty to sign and so he does. The kid’s mile wide grin afterwards is worth it.

Jaejoong frowns at the next person to stand in front of him. Well, technically he’s not really a person. “I’m still not interested in a date.”

“I didn’t even say anything,” the werewolf says, grinning.

Jaejoong signs the book efficiently. “Great, nice to see you. Next!”

“Don’t be like this,” the wolf says, “you spent forever talking to that girl.”

“She was cute.”

The werewolf growls, bending in a little too close to Jaejoong’s face and he beckons to a security guard. “We’re not mates, Geunsuk. Go away and stop stalking me.” He’s never really had to use security until now, and it doesn’t make him feel as famous as he thought it might. He knows Geunsuk’s not a bad wolf—they had been friends once, before Geunsuk had decided he wanted more (and Jaejoong had firmly said “no thank you, I’m fine,” because _ew_. He and Wolf did not want that).

The security guard backs down with a glare from Geunsuk (because he is a werewolf, after all,) but that’s the last glance Jaejoong spares him. Geunsuk at least has he decency to not cause a scene and he leaves, his copy of Jaejoong’s book clutched tight in his hand.

Had Jaejoong not been an author, he would have disappeared for awhile, since a rejected wolf is perhaps the most dangerous wolf there is, but he has two more book signings this week before he has to move onto the next city. He’d chosen a life in the spot light and he has to deal with the consequences.

He signs for a few suspiciously young girls, no parents in sight, and has to swallow his instinct to scold them for skipping out on school. He’s not even an _idol_. But honestly he’s pleased as punch that they’re here, even if he must keep that a secret.

He’s signing for a college age boy (an aspiring writer, Jaejoong can just _tell_ ,) when he smells it. Wolf, man, forest, and _sex_ , slamming into his nostrils and filling his lungs. _Mate_ , his mind (body, heart, soul,) says, and Wolf is instantly alert.

Jaejoong’s hand shakes as he glances up between people in line and scans the room. He doesn’t see anything at first, the blood pounding in his veins blurring his vision and thundering in his ears. In the the front of the store, which Jaejoong can just barely see, there’s a flash, like someone had popped in to drop something off or buy a quick cup of coffee in the cafe, but Jaejoong gets a good look. And he _knows_. He just knows, the man’s face, lean and smooth and happy, his hair styled on the top of his head, muscles defined in a way that can only mean werewolf—it all equals one thing. Jaejoong very nearly faints.

 _Mate_ , Wolf shrieks, and it takes every ounce of Jaejoong’s mental strength to stay in his seat and sign the book in front of him. _Wait_ , Jaejoong says, _wait a second, Wolf, he’s not going anywhere. Just a few more books, we can’t walk away from this._ Not after working so hard to get his book published and not after seeing how many people enjoy it. He can’t do that.

 _BUT MATE IS MORE IMPORTANT,_ Wolf roars.

It’s probably a bad idea, but Jaejoong needs to _wait_ , and so he shoves his attraction and wolf and everything deep into the cage in his soul and shuts them out.

“Jaejoong?” His agent asks, with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He shakes himself, reaching for his water. He swallows it down, bolting the door to his werewolf side shut. “Sorry,” he smiles at the ahjumma in front of him, turning on his charm, “I got a bit dizzy for a second.”

“You need to eat more,” she croons, petting his hand, and he lets her fuss over him as he signs and promises to to take care of himself.

 _Go claim our mate if you want to care for us_ , Wolf says, clawing at the barrier insistently.

 _We can’t claim him in the middle of a bookstore,_ Jaejoong thinks back, firm in his decision. The world needn’t know of the existence of werewolves. Not yet (and hopefully not ever). Besides which, he can feel the power of the wolf—his mate—and Jaejoong’s pretty positive he will not be doing any claiming. Jaejoong’s never considered himself to be submissive, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to be anything but that in front of such an overwhelming presence. _Has he felt me? Does he know I’m here_? Jaejoong’s so curious. So desperate.

The line is seemingly never-ending, the clock crawling by for the last half hour of the signing. The presence lessens significantly, an indication that the other werewolf had left the building, probably put off by the sheer amount of people stuffed inside and waiting for a chance to speak with Jaejoong. Wolves that powerful tend to unintentionally turn heads and cause trouble.

Jaejoong still has some work once everyone leaves, has to take pictures and shake hands and every minute is torture for him. Every second his heart pounds faster and his breath comes in gasps and it’s as if every single breath saturates his lungs further with the scent of his _mate_ and nearly drives him to brink of insanity with want.

 _Why can’t he smell me_? Jaejoong wonders, before he remembers he’d locked everything inside him down tight, probably before the other wolf could even get a whiff of him. Jaejoong’s nose has always been excellent, even for a werewolf. His mate perhaps smelt another werewolf but that had probably been it.

 _Let me out_ , Wolf demands.

 _Soon_ , Jaejoong promises. He needs to work on controlling Wolf better.

It takes another fifteen minutes before Jaejoong can walk out of the doors and take a deep breath of air, trying to figure out where his mate had gone. Wolf is grumbling that had they gone after him right away they wouldn’t have this problem, but Jaejoong shushes him. There are _rules_ in werewolf society and he’s pretty sure jumping another werewolf in a crowded bookstore would be breaking them.

The scent is easy to track because it’s strong. It’s so powerful, and Jaejoong swallows because there’s no way this man is anything but an Alpha, assuming he’s part of a pack. He’s only met a few wolves that have more a presence and they are all respective heads of packs. He’s not sure he’s ready for the responsibility of being an Alpha’s mate (though he’s not really sure he even knows the duties that would entail,) but he doesn’t care. Mate is mate. Jaejoong will learn to adapt. He must.

The scent leads him to a flower shop, though there is no Alpha to be seen. From there, it goes to a restaurant and then out into the street where it becomes faint. Jaejoong assumes the Alpha had either hopped into his own car or a taxi, but it doesn’t matter. The scent is still traceable.

He gets confused, though, because half way down the street the scent becomes a little bit stronger, though different, and Jaejoong realizes he’s smelling another wolf from the pack. The Alpha must have met up with them before parting ways.

The other wolf’s scent is a _lot_ stronger than the Alpha’s; he’s definitely close by. Jaejoong wonders if maybe he should introduce himself first, get a feel for how the pack works.

Wolf thinks this is a good idea. It’ll be easier than trying to follow an Alpha in a car without first changing. And if they changed they’d have to wait until dark to successfully navigate the city without being caught.

They track the scent to a nearby coffee shop, and Jaejoong follows it inside. It has a cozy interior, couches and armchairs arranged artfully with tables. Shelves full of vinyl and tapes and cds line the wall, players for each readily accessible to whomever would want.

The wolf Jaejoong has tracked is behind the counter, meticulously flipping through a binder, frown creasing his forehead. He looks up upon hearing the bell, smile plastered on his face. It falters when he gets a good whiff of what Jaejoong is.

“Hi,” Jaejoong says.

The wolf behind the counter is strong. Stronger than Jaejoong, for sure. He looks down at the floor until he hears the man come around the counter. He’s about Jaejoong’s height, maybe a little shorter, it’s hard to tell, but the smile is back.

“Hello. What’s your name?”

“Jaejoong.”

“I’m Yoochun. I thought I smelled another wolf in town but I wasn’t sure. You live here?”

“Business trip for work.”

Yoochun peers closer, leaning in and causing Jaejoong to blush. “Oh hey. You’re that author! You write mystery novels, correct?”

Jaejoong nods.

“Boa’s going to pee herself, oh my god. I can’t believe you’re a werewolf. Are you by yourself?”

And there. That’s the question Jaejoong’s been waiting to hear. The way inside. “I—I’ve been waiting so long. I can smell that you’re—pack. You have a pack. And I—“ Jaejoong’s not sure he wants to blurt out about his mate just yet. “I’ve been alone for a very long time.”

He doesn’t exactly say it, but Yoochun picks up on it right away and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Let me take you back to the house. Yunho—my Alpha—will be home soon and we can…talk. It’s hard, being alone. I know.”

“You—but you’re working?”

Yoochun laughs. “I own this shop. I’ve got workers out back, it’s fine.”

Jaejoong nods, and when Yoochun takes his hand to lead him outside, Jaejoong’s heart soars.

—

Jaejoong’s ready. He can feel everything bubbling up underneath him as Yoochun leads him into the house, and the scent of Jaejoong’s mate-to-be is intoxicating. It’s _everywhere_. His mate is an _Alpha_. Jaejoong’s going to have a _pack_. It’s everything he’s ever wanted.

Yoochun’s mate is in the kitchen, stirring dejectedly at a pot on the stove and she brightens when they walk inside. Their kiss is gentle.

“Jaejoong, this is Boa. My mate.”

“Hi,” Boa says, “the author right? I’m trying to contain my excitement, it is obvious?”

“It’s fine,” Jaejoong shrugs, “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” Yoochun growls. “Where’s Yunho?”

“Still out with Yeonhee.”

 _Who’s_ —Jaejoong starts to think, but stops when Boa steps around her mate and throws her arms around Jaejoong’s neck.

“I’m so happy you’re going to join the pack. It’s been us and the girls forever, it’ll be so nice to have a new face.”

“Smallest pack I’ve ever seen,” Jaejoong admits.

“Yunho likes strays,” Yoochun says.

 _Yunho_.

Just the name of his mate warms Jaejoong’s stomach and he smiles as he listens to Yoochun’s story. “He never wanted to be an Alpha, originally. We’ve been friends for centuries and kept in touch, so I knew he wasn’t interested in being one. He liked being a lone wolf. But he’s got a heart of gold and can’t leave people that are in trouble alone. He came across the girls in danger of being sold to China and rescued them. But he hadn’t realized they didn’t belong to a pack at the time so he decided to take them in. It was the three of them for the longest time, and then Boa and I got tired of wandering maybe…” Yoochun thinks for a moment.

“Ten years or so,” Boa says.

“Yeah, about ten years. So we came here and it’s just been the five of us.”

“I’m so excited,” Boa still has her arms around Jaejoong’s middle, “I’m so happy. Yunho is too. He’ll be here soon.”

“Where is he?” Jaejoong asks curiously.

“On a date.”

The words don’t actually register until Boa turns back to the pot on the stove and then Jaejoong’s stomach sinks. A _date_?

Wolf is growling. _He is ours_. He is. This Alpha Jaejoong has never met is his mate, regardless of dates or other boyfriends, and that’s all that matters. By the time Yoochun turns back around from cuddling Boa, Jaejoong’s schooled his face back to calm.

The sound of footsteps outside make them all turn towards the door and Jaejoong steels himself. He’s just going to show it. He’s going to claim the Alpha the second he walks through the door, damn the consequences.

But it’s not Yunho.

Jaejoong catches the scent first and he freezes; Yoochun’s the first to notice. “What’s wrong?”

“Geunsuk,” Jaejoong growls unhappily, and he feels Wolf wanting to come out and rip something to pieces.

“Who?”

But Jaejoong’s walking away before he can explain, stalking angrily to the door and throwing it open before Geunsuk invite himself inside. Before Geunsuk ruins everything.

“What do you want?”

“You. I want you to come with me so we can be together and—“

“No.”

“Jaejoong,” Geunsuk takes a step forward, “you’re coming. I’m tired of waiting.”

“I’m going to have a pack. That’s all I want.” Best not to mention his mate to be; that’s just asking for trouble.

“What is going on?” Yoochun’s at the door and he’s clearly asking out of courtesy, since his werwolf ears would have allowed him (and Boa) to hear every single word.

Jaejoong puts his hand on Geunsuk’s shoulder as if to push him back down the stairs.

It’s a stupid decision.

The other wolf pounces. Geunsuk doesn’t look like he’s stronger than Jaejoong, but at that moment he is, and Jaejoong slams into the deck, Geunsuk on top of him. For a horrifying five seconds, Jaejoong can’t move, Geunsuk forcing his mouth and tongue on Jaejoong’s before something lifts Geunsuk off and _throws_ him ten feet onto the grass where he lands in a heap. Something breaks and makes him scream.

Yunho.

His scent slams into Jaejoong as a hand rests on his shoulder. Jaejoong almost throws himself on top of Yunho, almost reaches up his hand to grasp his face and kiss him.

But it’s not time for Yunho to know _anything_ , and Wolf seems to agree. Claiming Yunho as a mate in front of Geunsuk means death for someone, and Jaejoong doesn’t want to witness that. Not today.

So he shuts his feelings away again before he opens his eyes.

Yunho is sight to behold, in the flesh. Muscular, tall, _gorgeous_ , with a perfect skin and perfect hair and perfect everything. He’d lifted and tossed Geunsuk with _one arm_ like he’d been a feather. Jaejoong slowly feels himself falling.

“I hope that _you_ are Jaejoong and not the wolf whose arm I just broke.”

Jaejoong nods, not trusting himself to open his mouth and say something other than _mate_.

The Alpha smiles. “Are you alright?”

Jaejoong nods again and nearly dies of happiness when Yunho grabs his hands and helps him to his feet. “Who is that?” he asks, nodding to Geunsuk who’s managed to sit up and cradle an arm. He sets its as they look on, grunting with pain. It’s probably already begun to heal.

“That is an _asshole_ ,” Yoochun hisses from behind them.

“I am not looking for information I already know, Yoochun.”

Yunho’s hand is still on Jaejoong’s arm. He cups Jaejoong’s elbow, pulling him close, and Jaejoong nearly faints from their proximity, from the feel of Yunho’s hands. The Alpha smells so good; Jaejoong wants to bury his face in Yunho’s neck and never let go. But Yunho’s only looking for an answer. “He was a friend. Not anymore.”

“Jaejoong,” Geunsuk whines.

“I’m not your mate and I don’t want to be. I don’t even want to look at you. Please go away.” Jaejoong has a mate. Right here, who is caring for him even though they’ve just met, even though he doesn’t know they’re mates. _He’s perfect_ , Jaejoong thinks, and can’t tear his gaze away from the Alpha holding onto him possessively.

Yunho’s now eyeing the wolf on the grass with a little more disdain than he had been. “And here I was hoping I’d misread the situation. Yoochun, take Jaejoong inside for me, please.”

He doesn’t have time to protest. Before he knows it, he’s back inside, Yoochun sitting him down on the couch and Boa fussing over him, pressing tea into his hands. “Are you sure you’re ok? He didn’t hurt you?”

“I—what? No. I’m. What?” _What just happened?_

“Take a deep breath. Relax. Yunho’s getting rid of him.”

“What, NO! I don’t. I didn’t want him—“

“He’s not killing him,” Yoochun huffs, “though I think he should. Just scaring him. You’re pack now, and we’ll protect you. We take care of each other. Yunho’s making sure he won’t ever bother you again.”

Jaejoong very nearly spills his tea; he can’t keep his hand from shaking. Boa rescues it just in time. “It’ll be okay.”

The door opens and shuts loudly, and for a moment Jaejoong’s heart stops in anticipation because his mate just chased off his worst nightmare and he can now open up his soul and show him that—

But it’s not Yunho. It’s not even a wolf. It’s a gumiho.

“Jaejoong, this is Yeonhee.”

Yeonhee.

Jaejoong’s heart sinks just a little, but he can’t figure out why until Yoochun continues, “Yunho’s date. Don’t freak out, she’s a sweet gumiho. She runs an inn on Jeju and doesn’t eat humans.”

“O-oh,” Jaejoong manages. Yeonhee is a girl. A very pretty girl, which can only lead Jaejoong to conclude one thing.

Yunho likes girls. Women. Breasts. Girl parts. Yeonhee looks very ample in that area. Jaejoong is anything but that, though he knows he’s been described as pretty.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ Wolf says, _he needs to know anyway!_

But Jaejoong’s not too sure, all of a sudden. Yunho’s scent is _covering_ her, in a way that can only mean one thing. It makes his blood boil.

“How’d it go?” Yoochun asks, nudging Yeonhee in the side, a sleazy grin pasted on his face. “He paid for dinner, didn’t he? Opened your car door. Did he kiss you? It’s been forever since he’s been laid, I bet he kissed you.”

Jaejoong feels sick. He should have known. Why had he automatically assumed Yunho would be attracted to males? Most humans are not, never mind werewolves. Jaejoong wants to throw up.

“He’s a perfect gentleman,” Yeonhee is saying, “absolutely everything a girl could ever want.”

“We ruined your date, didn’t we?” Boa asks, “texting him to come and meet Jaejoong.”

“Not at all,” Yeonhee says, “we were done.”

“Done?” Yoochun parrots, eyebrow raised. There’s a pause, then he crows, laughing to the point of coughing as Boa pats him on the back, frowning. “ _You were done_ ,” he chokes, “oh my god. I bet he’s so great in bed. He is, isn’t he? Bet you couldn’t even—“

“Yoochun,” Boa says, “Yunho will kill you if try and glean details.”

“What’s to imagine?” Yoochun scoffs, “those strong arms and his pretty lips. I bet his mouth is not just good for talking.”

“Park Yoochun!” Boa screeches.

Yeonhee’s laughing. “I ought to tell on you. Just so I can watch him kick your ass.”

“He won’t,” Yoochun says confidently, “especially not with a new pack member to impress.”

“You want to bet?”

But Jaejoong’s only half listening, a thick cloud of despair descending on him. Yunho likes girls. Yunho had been out with Yeonhee. Yunho had sex with Yeonhee…or something like it, anyway.

 _OURS_ , Wolf screeches, mad beyond reason that someone had touched their mate.

But Jaejoong’s becoming more and more convinced that actually, the Alpha is not theirs because Yunho doesn’t like boys. Yunho will most likely not like Jaejoong.

“Poor Yunho, instead of banging his girl he has to fight off a crazy gay werewolf, the freaky mother fucker.”

“Yoochun, you’re scaring Jaejoong, stop it.”

Scaring is perhaps an understatement. Yoochun clearly does not think highly of gays and it’s petrifying. Jaejoong’s mate isn’t gay, his mate’s pack doesn’t like them, yet here Jaejoong is, about to join them.

But should he?

 _You need to tell him_ , Wolf insists.

Does he? Jaejoong could leave. He could walk outside and not become a part of this pack and be tormented by living with a mate he would never have. He should walk away. He _needs_ to get up and walk the fuck away. Right now.

Fate is not playing in his court, though, because it’s at this precise moment that Yunho walks inside.

He looks amazing and Jaejoong only just manages to hold back a whimper as he pats Yeonhee on her head and promises to call her later on in the evening.

Yoochun cackles when they kiss goodbye; Jaejoong gags, gesturing for a bucket. Or something. Anything.

He’s going to be sick but he doesn’t want to open his mouth to say it, afraid of what else might accidentally come out.

Yunho is the one that seems to understand him though, and Jaejoong nearly cries as he’s bodily lifted (as if he weighed only an ounce,) and deposited neatly in front of the toilet—and just in time. Dinner and lunch and probably remnants of breakfast come out until there’s nothing left and then Jaejoong spits up bile, choking, as he feels Yunho’s run a hand down his back and a cloth wipe at his face. “He’s gone. He’s gone and you’re safe with us, I promise. Nothing is going to hurt you.”

 _That is not the problem_ , Jaejoong thinks, and he wants to say it, wants to beat his fists against Yunho’s chest but he can’t. He can’t form the words, can’t admit to what Yunho is to him and it’s frightening.

So he takes what he can get, lets Yunho pull him close and hold him tight. Jaejoong savors it, breathes it in and memorizes his scent because he’s going to have to leave. Jaejoong is going to have to go because he can’t live with this.

Wolf is going insane. They’d been so close, so close to having everything they’d ever wanted. _There has to be a way!_ He’s howling, upset and angry and desperate for a solution.

There isn’t one.

“Come on,” Yunho murmurs, “let’s get you clean.”

It’s Yoochun that meets them at the door, arms coming around Jaejoong and taking him from Yunho solidly. Words pass between them that Jaejoong can’t be bothered to interpret and before he knows it, Jaejoong’s clothes are coming off and Yoochun is lowering him gently into a jacuzzi, warm water lapping at his bleeding heart. “It’ll be alright,” Yoochun coos, “I promise.”

When Jaejoong can finally hold himself upright, Yoochun leaves him alone, and Jaejoong takes the time to figure this mess out.

 _I’ll hide it_.

“What?” Jaejoong whispers out loud, stunned.

_I will help you hide it. Your feelings. That we are his mate. We need a pack and this is a good one. We haven’t liked any of the others we’ve run across, but these wolves are nice. For the most part. So we will help you hide from them so that we can stay._

“You’d do that?”

 _Yes_ , Wolf nods, _but I cannot promise that it will be forever._

“That’s ok,” Jaejoong says. An odd sense of relief has washed over him, and he feels his senses returning bit by bit. It couldn’t be too hard, right? They’d understand if he didn’t completely give himself over to the pack bond, especially after this escapade with Geunsuk. There are some things better left unsaid and if they believe he’d truly been hurt perhaps they wouldn’t dig too deep. Perhaps Jaejoong can stay and be a part of a pack.

And then maybe he’d fall out of being Yunho’s mate. It happens, sometimes. Wolves don’t always end up with their mates and so the initial pull and want and lust and _love_ eventually goes away and they find someone else.

It gives Jaejoong hope. Perhaps he and Yunho aren’t destined for one another after all, and there’s someone else out there for him. Maybe he just wants a mate so badly he’s half making all of this up. He’ll have to wait and see.

 _That’s the spirit_ , Wolf says, _at least we can have a pack for now. And if it gets bad, then we can leave._

That’s right. They can always leave.

He feels ten times better lifting himself out of the jacuzzi and slipping on some clothes Yoochun had left for him. They smell like the Second, and Jaejoong’s glad the clothes aren’t Yunho’s. He doesn’t want to be wrapped in his mate’s scent, unable to get away.

Yoochun’s waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, grinning. Jaejoong decides he likes the second’s smile. Taking Yoochun’s hand again is easy. “You look worlds better,” Yoochun tells him, squeezing his fingers. “Come on, Yunho wants to talk with you.”

In the few seconds he has, Jaejoong bolts his feelings down. He and Wolf shove them into the recesses of their consciousness, burying them until they are barely palpable, and then Wolf stands guard.

They can’t be hurt anymore. They can’t be rejected. Jaejoong doesn’t want anyone else to tell him _no_. He’s been tossed away by everyone else in his life and maybe this time—just this once—he can be a little selfish. Maybe he can have this one thing with no repercussions. He can’t imagine that a pack would demand to see _everything_ about a wolf and his past. They wouldn’t begrudge him keeping secrets, especially not this pack. He doesn’t think they have it in them.

Yunho smiles when he sees Jaejoong, and his fingers are warm as he takes Jaejoong’s hands and asks him to join his pack.

Maybe he can’t have Yunho. Maybe it will eventually become unbearable. But he thinks even if just for a little while, it would be nice to have a pack.

It would be nice to belong _somewhere_ , especially if he can’t belong to _someone_.

“Yes,” Jaejoong answers.

He locks away the feelings Yunho’s smile dregs out of him and shoves down the way his touch makes every inch of Jaejoong’s skin tingle.

 _I’ll protect you,_ Wolf promises.

Together, they slash every emotion to bits until Jaejoong looks at Yunho and feels absolutely nothing at all.

 


	2. Final

When Yunho had discovered Junsu at a play one night, he’d hoped the submissive wolf would help to open up his stubborn Third and get him to settle into the pack bonds. But it’s now been two years with Junsu in the pack and Jaejoong is still as closed off as ever.

Yunho thinks he’d been infinitely patient with Jaejoong. In the beginning, when he’d realized Jaejoong had been reluctant to completely open himself up, he’d thought it been entirely the fault of the bastard Geunsuk. Yunho had dreamt all manner of cruel things he’d thought Geunsuk had subjected Jaejoong to, and figured that perhaps Jaejoong did not want the pack knowing about all the things that had happened between them.

The Alpha had tried to confront Jaejoong about it one night, tried to assure him that no matter what his past, the pack wouldn’t mind. No matter what had happened to him, he wouldn’t be judged. 

But Jaejoong had broken down into tears and not allowed the Alpha to go near him, sobbing about privacy and space and Yunho had been so taken aback he’d had to go for a jog to calm down. Somehow, he’d ended up mad at himself for upsetting Jaejoong and he’d been so incredibly confused he’d almost run all the way down to Busan by the time his head had cleared.

He doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t understand Jaejoong. The entire mess breaks his heart and Yunho doesn’t know why. There are plenty of wolves that need a lot of privacy and don’t give up their all to the pack—Eric had assured him of this—so why on earth is Jaejoong’s refusal so devastating to not only Yunho but the entire pack? He can’t make sense of it, and Eric just laughs at him whenever Yunho calls to complain and tells him to man up.

But Yunho can’t. Yunho is convinced the only way to settle the tension is for Jaejoong to open up his heart. Yunho just can’t figure out _how_.

He’s in a tizzy over it when he comes back from work, and tries to blink his anger away when he sees Junsu outside, Jaejoong’s latest book in his hand.

“What are you doing?” It’s not raining, but it is overcast, and Junsu doesn’t look like he’s particularly enjoying the outdoors. If he has to be, it usually needs to be sunny and there must be a beach somewhere.

“Yoochun and Boa. They kicked everyone out so they could have loud sex.”

Junsu smiles, but he’s clearly upset at having been ousted from his armchair. 

Yunho sighs. Yoochun should know better. Lately, the amount of sex between them has been getting a little ridiculous and clearly his verbal warnings about not putting on shows are not getting through to the pack’s only couple.

“I’m sorry. I’ll go yell at them and then you can come back inside.”

Junsu brightens almost immediately.

“Where’s Jaejoong?”

“Meeting with his editor. Seohyun’s still at work and Yoona went to the movies by herself when Yoochun kicked us out.”

Yunho sighs again, thinking of his female wolves and desperately hoping that their mates will turn up soon. The girls try to put on a brave face, but Yunho can tell that they’re lonely. Though, he hopes once they do find mates they will not be anything like Yoochun and Boa.

It’s not hard to follow the sounds. 

Yunho bangs open the door to Yoochun and Boa’s room and is not at all fazed by their nakedness or positions. “Stand up,” he growls, though he allows them time to wrap themselves in sheets; he’s not entirely unkind. “How could you possibly think that _ordering_ the pack out of the house is an acceptable use of your power?”

Yoochun swallows. “I—“

“I have been so patient with you, Yoochun, I really have. But this is last straw.”

“Yunho,” Yoochun pleads, though for what Yunho has no idea.

“I warned you the last time, when it was Seohyun walking in on you. I told you what I would do if you got out of hand.”

Clearly there had been a lapse in memory because Yoochun pales as he remembers. “Please don’t—“

“No. Sex.” Yunho growls, putting incredibly force behind his order. “Not in this house, not in a hotel, not in a car, not anywhere. You are not to have sexual intercourse with each other until I say otherwise.”

Yoochun whines. Boa has apparently been struck dumb.

“Is that clear?” Yunho demands. He doesn’t plan to ban them for long, he _really_ isn’t that cruel, but if Yoochun can’t control himself, than Yunho must. Only for a few days, to really drive the point home.

“Yes,” Yoochun breathes, face white.

“Good. Get dressed, and apologize to the pack when they all get home.”

He waits until they nod before walking away.

He hadn’t meant to be so angry, but he’d already been worked up over Jaejoong and this had just been a catalyst. But it’s done, and he’s sure he had made enough of an impression for it to stick. Besides which, Yoochun really should have known better. There’s no excuse for a misappropriation of power and that’s the real problem here, not the excessive amounts of sex.

Junsu’s in the kitchen, making a cup of his herbal tea and smiling. “Should I go up to see them?”

“They’ll come down,” Yunho shakes his head, “you can give out hugs then.”

“Should I give you a hug?” 

Yunho accepts it, allowing the submissive past his Alpha walls to soothe his heart. He can’t help his thoughts when they stray to Jaejoong. Why doesn’t he want this? Why doesn’t he want Yunho to help him? And why the hell can’t Yunho just let it go? He almost starts to cry.

“Don’t be sad,” Junsu murmurs, petting Yunho’s back, “it’ll be okay, I promise. You’re just having a bad day.”

Yunho wishes he could laugh. “I’m at my wits end, Junsu. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can tell he’s in pain, I know he’s hurting, I just—why won’t he open up about it?”

“How do you know that?”

Yunho sniffs. He cannot cry. He is a strong, manly Alpha, he cannot cry, not after just ripping into two of his wolves. _But why does he even want to cry_? “What?”

“I assume you’re talking about Jaejoong? He’s not letting us in so how do you know he’s upset?”

Yunho blinks. “I just…do? I guess it’s an Alpha thing? I can tell that he’s unhappy.”

Junsu looks extremely skeptical. “I think you’re assuming things, Yunho. Just because he won’t let us in it doesn’t mean he’s sad.”

“I don’t know how to explain it. I just. I look at him and I see unhappiness.”

Junsu tilts his head. “If he was really unhappy here, do you honestly think he’d stay?”

Yunho’s asked himself this a thousand times. Why on earth would Jaejoong torture himself? What is it that’s keeping Jaejoong here? Yunho desperately wishes he knew.

“Just. Let him be. If you want my honest opinion, you push and push and the rest of the pack pushes because of it and it’s probably overwhelming for him. Let it go. Let him be and see if that helps. Start a routine. Give him a hug when he wakes up in the morning, even a kiss on the cheek if you think that’ll help.”

A kiss. Yunho swallows. “Do you think—do you think he found out that I—“

“That you like boys just as much as girls?” Junsu teases. “Not unless you told him. Even so, Jaejoong wouldn’t care.”

“How do you know?” The way Jaejoong had reacted to Geunsuk doesn’t leave Yunho with very many conclusions on what the other wolf thinks of gays.

Junsu finally pulls away and holds up Jaejoong’s latest book. “One of his new characters is gay. And he’s a good guy and important to the plot. Trust me, that’s not Jaejoong’s problem.”

Well then.

“You should read it. Once I’m done, of course. It’s very good.”

Yunho has read all of Jaejoong’s books, the entire pack has, but the Alpha had been extremely busy lately and hadn’t yet picked up Jaejoong’s newest story. He’s going to have to do that, now. “Once you’re done,” he agrees.

There’s a shuffle from the top of the stairs and Yunho takes a deep breath, releasing the last of his emotion and switching back to his Angry Alpha setting. Yoochun’s dressed, as is Boa, and they stumble into the kitchen looking like death warmed over. They’re holding hands, but Yunho decides he can at least allow them that.

“Sorry for ordering you out of the house, Junsu.”

Yoochun looks like a three year old sniffling after a spanking and Yunho has to clench his hands into fists to keep from actually doing that. It’s all a ruse to garner Junsu’s support, that’s very clear, but Junsu takes it all in stride, giving out warmth and hugs and saying under his breath, “it’s okay to be sad about being banned; sex is very good.” He gives Yunho a thumbs up over their shoulders, though, and Yunho leaves his wolves in Junsu’s good hands. 

He goes to sit on the porch, intent on waiting for the rest of his pack to arrive home. He’s not sure if he should count himself lucky or not when Jaejoong’s the first one back.

Yunho, in perhaps a fit of madness, beckons to him, patting the bench as he swings in it and tries to channel less Alpha and more… _friend_. Jaejoong is surprisingly compliant.

“What happened?” Jaejoong asks, perhaps out of courtesy. He sits close to Yunho, but doesn’t touch him, hands carefully folded in his lap.

“Yoochun and Boa,” Yunho replies sullenly. 

Sitting there and feeling terribly inadequate gives him a sudden thought. Perhaps if he shed a little more of his Alpha mantle and showed Jaejoong a bit of his personal side—a side the rest of the wolves don’t see aside from Junsu—it would perhaps help Jaejoong to do the same. Before he can pull away, Yunho leans to the side and plops his head onto Jaejoong’s shoulder.

The harsh intake of breath is impossible to miss, but Yunho ignores it. Soldiers on.

“You have my permission to ignore Yoochun’s orders for awhile, especially if they center around finding a way out of my sex ban.”

Jaejoong laughs, “He’ll definitely try to do that.”

“Sometimes,” Yunho says, deciding to let his guard drop _even more_ , “sometimes I feel like I’m in a perpetual daycare with a bunch of children that just don’t ever take the time to stop and think. No offense.”

“None taken,” Jaejoong whispers. He sounds out of breath and he’s frozen stiff, not moving a muscle. “We’re—we’re a handful.”

“Sometimes I just want to deal with them like toddlers.”

“Yoochun could probably use a good spanking.”

“I literally just had that same thought not five minutes ago.”

“Well, that’s settled then. I’ll find you a paddle.”

Yunho laughs, finding it slightly absurd that he and Jaejoong would actually have the same thoughts. To be honest, if it would make Jaejoong open up to the pack, Yunho would spank Yoochun until he’d stay red, despite his werewolf healing. In fact, Yoochun would probably let him, for the same reason. Maybe Yunho really should.

“Jaejoong-ah.”

“Yes?” His tone is unbearably formal.

“Do you think I’m a good Alpha?”

Yunho has no idea what Jaejoong’s pause means. 

“I think so,” Jaejoong finally says, “better than most I’ve met.”

Most Alphas are not so understanding. Other Alphas are not so gentle, or so forgiving. Yunho _tries_ to be good.

“I’m glad,” Yunho tells him, and has to bite his tongue. He wants to ask _then why don’t you trust me_? But he can’t. He can’t because Jaejoong is, for once, letting Yunho touch him, talk to him, and for some unfathomable reason, Yunho doesn’t want this to stop. He thinks he’d submit to Jaejoong if it meant he’d would take down his walls and that is a scary and sobering thought Yunho knows he’ll have to seriously ponder later.

He wonders if perhaps Jaejoong is hiding because he’s stronger than Yunho and doesn’t want to take his position of Alpha away. But why? If Jaejoong is indeed a stronger wolf, Yunho wouldn’t have any qualms handing over the reigns.

He sighs. Now is not the time.

Fate seems to agree.

Yunho straightens when he hears his phone go off and he fishes in his pocket a moment before pulling it out. “Yoona?”

“Yunho.” His wolf doesn’t sound scared, exactly, but there’s a note of apprehension in her voice that gives him pause.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wolves. I found—there are new wolves in town. They want to talk to you.”

“Are you alright?” Yunho standing, Jaejoong following him inside, close on his heel.

“I’m fine. The Alpha’s…very sweet. There’s only three of them.”

“Where are you?”

“At the movie theater.”

“Do you feel comfortable bringing them here?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” Yunho grasps onto Yoona through the pack bond and find she is indeed quite calm. He sends her his support anyway, which she greedily soaks up as they end the call and he feels her beckoning the new wolves to the car. Yunho notes, with some amusement, that she’d presumably taken Yoochun’s rather expensive audi since Yunho can’t see it in the driveway or their garage. He might kiss her for that, later.

Junsu’s back to reading when Yunho walks into the kitchen, Yoochun washing dishes and still looking terribly glum. The shower’s running upstairs and Yunho assumes it’s Boa. He doesn’t remember the last time Yoochun and Boa showered separately while both home and Yunho smiles, happy they aren’t at least initially dragging their feet against his order.

“Yoochun, I need you to change. There are new wolves coming to visit.”

The gloom and doom disappears almost immediately as Yoochun growls. Chastised or no, new wolves are a potential threat to the pack. “Are they not friendly?”

“That remains to be seen. They’re being civil to Yoona, at least. They’ll be here soon.”

Yoochun’s already stripping off his shirt and heading into a bedroom. Yunho rounds on Jaejoong, “Can you—is there something you can make in fifteen minutes? Food might help to ease the tension.”

“I’ll find something,” Jaejoong promises.

Junsu only puts the book down when Yunho rests his hand on the submissive’s elbow. “Help Jaejoong? And come and get me when you hear Yoochun’s car.”

“Did Yoona take it?” Junsu giggles, grin broad, and laughs outright when Yunho nods. “Good for her.”

“Should kiss her for that,” Jaejoong mutters, from where he’s pulling things from the fridge.

Yunho blinks and wonders at the odds of Jaejoong echoing his thoughts twice in one day. “I need to go…center myself.”

“I’ll come and get you.” Junsu’s the only one that can. If any of the other wolves tried to bring Yunho out of his mind’s sanctuary, the Alpha might attack.

His forest is warm when he finally relaxes into it, settling onto the floor of his room and closing his eyes. 

He walks for awhile, letting the sounds of the forest calm his heart. He lets go of his anger at Yoochun and his frustration with Jaejoong and just focuses on the pack as a whole, centering his power until he feels ready to confront another Alpha. He desperately hopes they aren’t here for a fight. Yunho hates fighting.

It’s another ten minutes of blessed calm before he senses Junsu and Yunho pulls himself out of his mind and blinks in the low light of the room.

“They’re coming up the driveway.”

Jaejoong has managed to work a miracle, food of all kind laid out on the table. Leftovers had been warmed and it looks like Junsu had been about to order some take out. Jaejoong had laid out some raw meat as well, just in case, and there was a huge pot of simmering dokbokki and meat.

Jaejoong is a miracle worker, Yunho is positive of it. As he passes, he brushes a hand across the wolf’s lower back in thanks. Jaejoong blushes, much to Yunho’s surprise and as he walks to the door, resolves to do that more often. He will _kiss_ Jaejoong if it means him opening up to the pack, so a touch of his hand is nothing. Though he probably shouldn’t ever tell Jaejoong that.

Yoona’s the first through the door and Yunho gives her a hug, making sure his lady wolf really is unharmed before pushing her into the arms of Junsu. “Stay in the kitchen with Jaejoong,” he orders them, and then steps out onto the porch.

There are indeed three wolves, all of them shorter than Yunho. It isn’t hard to figure out which one is Alpha. He’s a strong wolf, stronger than both Yoochun and Jaejoong, but it’s clear he’s not as dominate as Yunho.

It only takes a second for him to acknowledge this, the other two wolves following suit and lowering their gazes to the ground. All thoughts of a fight flee Yunho’s mind and he nearly collapses in relief.

“Lee Jinki,” the Alpha introduces himself after Yunho, and his face belies that he, too, is happy their meeting hadn’t started with a fight. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Come inside,” Yunho invites, stepping out of their way, “we were just about to have some food.”

 

— 

 

Three days and one full moon later, Jinki and his two wolves are now part of the pack.

Jaejoong finds it thrilling, mostly because Yunho’s attention is off of him and focused on making sure the pack as a whole doesn’t self-combust. Jinki is relatively sweet, mostly keeping his nose out of everyone’s business unless he has questions or ideas. Joining a pack requires learning about its history and members, and Jaejoong watches him flit from person to person asking about their lives with an earnest and open expression.

Jinki doesn’t seem to mind that he can’t feel Jaejoong like he can the other wolves. It’s only a matter of time, Jaejoong knows, before Jinki starts to treat him like the rest of the pack does, but for a little while, it’s nice to bask in the presence of someone that’s content to just let him be.

It had been weird earlier, sitting on the porch with Yunho. It had been hard to control himself, but at the same time Jaejoong had relished being able to touch his Alpha (his mate) while not simultaneously getting a lecture. It’s dangerous, though, thinking like that.

And it can’t continue. Jaejoong knows this, knows that it has come to a tipping point and he either has to tell Yunho everything right now or Jaejoong has to disappear. As he watches Yunho talk with Yeonhee, his arm around her waist, his lips as they brush her cheek, Jaejoong makes his decision.

He packs quietly, picking out his most beloved clothes and mementos, stuffing his laptop into its bag. He’ll maybe ask for Yoochun to send him the rest of his things once Jaejoong finds a new place to live. Yoochun would do that for him, Jaejoong thinks. Yoochun’s always tried to look out for him.

Once everyone’s in bed and dead asleep, Jaejoong will sneak out. This will be easier. This will be better.

He ignores the knocking on his door as the pack says goodnight to him—they’ll probably just think he has headphones on as he writes.

Writing.

Jaejoong should probably leave a letter.

He composes it carefully. He doesn’t explicitly outline why he’s leaving, but instead, just says that he needs some time to himself to think. It’s never as easy as walking away from a pack. They’re bound by flesh of the Alpha and that’s never something to be taken lightly, never something easily dissolved. But Jaejoong thinks that once he’s away from the pack Yunho will be more easily swayed.

It’s difficult to not write _I love you_ at the end of it all.

He’s folding the paper carefully and sealing it with a Hello Kitty sticker when the door opens.

It’s Yeonhee.

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure.”

If she notices his obviously packed bags, she doesn’t say, calmly closing the door behind him.

“Where’s Yunho?”

“Trying to will away the boner I gave him.”

Jaejoong is not able to swallow down his growl. Though he doesn’t break her neck, despite the smile she gives him, like she knows his deepest secrets. 

Go him.

“Yunho talks a lot about you. Worries about you. He wants the best for you.”

“Did he talk you into this?”

“No. He thinks I’m getting food.”

She sits down on his bed. “Jaejoong, you’re his mate, aren’t you?”

Jaejoong chokes on air, slamming a fist into a chest to clear his esophagus. “What—no, don’t. What?”

He can’t lie. Ignoring it, hiding it, is one thing but outright denial is something else entirely. He can’t say no. “How did you— _how_?” He hopes there’s no one listening in on them. _Please let there be no one listening, especially not Yunho_.

“Yunho may be blind as a bat, but I am not. I see the way you look at him. I hear about the way you act around him. Your pack might be completely oblivious but to me it’s perfectly obvious. Why won’t you tell him?”

Jaejoong gapes. “You’re _dating_ him.”

“Not seriously,” Yeonhee laughs. “I’m a gumiho. We don’t have serious relationships with wolves, Jaejoong. He knows I’m not his mate. But he’s lonely. He wants attention. We’re good friends. He’s destined to find someone else,” she points a finger in his face as if to say _you_.

“But. You have sex.” It makes Jaejoong’s blood boil, just thinking about it.

“Yes,” Yeonhee nods, “and let me tell you something, Kim Jaejoong, he’s amazing at it. If I could be with him every single day so he could make me feel that good all the time I would.” She shudders, eyes glazing over a bit and Jaejoong has a hard time banishing the image of Yunho between her legs.

“But. I’m a guy.”

Yeonhee rolls her eyes. “You should bring that up with him. I can’t speak for your Alpha, but I think you’ll find he won’t react as terribly as you’d imagine.”

Jaejoong thinks about the way Yoochun had reacted to Geunsuk and the way Yunho has always seemed to echo it and he feels sick. “I don’t think so.”

“So you’re just going to leave?“ She nods at the bags in the corner of the room.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t want me, the pack won’t want me, and I don’t want my heart broken. Not again.”

Yeonhee scoots forward. “But Yunho wants you to stay, Jaejoong.”

“Not if he knew. Not if he _understood_.”

“Do you honestly think running is going to solve anything? You’re still bound to him and to this pack. Running is going to rip him to shreds. Do you really want that?”

Jaejoong takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, but the tears come anyway. He doesn’t want to upset Yunho. The last thing in the world he wants is to make Yunho sad. Angry. Unhappy.

And leaving would do that. Jaejoong knows leaving would tear out Yunho’s heart and he wouldn’t even understand why.

“You’re too good of a person to do that.”

“I am not a person. I’m a werewolf.”

“You’re a person,” Yeonhee insists, “a person that can transform into a animal. You’re not a beast, Jaejoong, you have a heart. You can’t do that to him or yourself. Actually, especially not to yourself. You can’t be away from your mate.”

“He’s not.”

“He is. Whether you like it or not, he is and you have to do something about it. Soon.”

“I am. I’m leaving.”

“You can’t.” Yeonhee stands back up, grabs a hold of Jaejoong’s shoulders and looks like she wants to shake him. “Jaejoong—“

There’s a roar from downstairs. Not a growl, not a whine, but an actual roar of sound followed by an intense sense of power that nearly brings Jaejoong to his knees. He gasps, Yeonhee catching him before he falls. “What is that?”

“Yunho,” Jaejoong gasps, and stumbles out of the room. Yunho is upset. Livid. Hurt. Someone had done something terrible. Wolf is demanding blood. _Calm down_ , Jaejoong thinks. But still, he can’t turn himself away and needs to know why his mate is so angry.

Jinki’s the only one Jaejoong can see when he makes his way down stairs. He’s standing carefully, body shaking under the force of power. 

“What happened?”

Jinki shrugs. “I’m not sure? There were two of your wolves on the couch…going at it. Uh. I don’t really understand.”

Oh. _Oh, no_. Jaejoong has no idea how Yoochun and Boa found away around Yunho’s order, but it’s not good. Not good at all.

“They were under an order to not do that until Yunho granted them permission.”

Jinki’s eyes narrowed. “Oh. How did they get around it?”

“I don’t know.”

His expression lifts and he grasps Jaejoong’s arm, “Come with me. We’ll need to calm Yunho down and he seems to favor you, so you’ll be helpful.”

Favor him. Yunho doesn’t favor Jaejoong, that’s for sure. But he is Fourth, and that makes him useful, regardless. “Alright.”

They manage to stumble towards the living room together, Jinki shielding Jaejoong as best he can. But when they’re finally confronted with Yunho’s back, neither of them can stay standing and they have to crawl. 

Yunho isn’t speaking, isn’t doing anything but allowing his power to wash over the entire house. It’s far too frightening for words and Jaejoong can barely breathe under the suffocation of his wrath. It only gets worse the closer he gets. He can’t possibly imagine what it’s like for Yoochun and Boa.

Jaejoong reaches out and grasps Yunho’s pant leg, tugging insistently on it until the Alpha looks down at him. His eyes are white. “ _What?_ ” His voice is not Yunho. It’s his wolf. Jaejoong realizes he doesn’t know what Yunho even calls his wolf—not that it matters. What matters is that Yunho doesn’t unintentionally ( _or intentionally!_ Wolf screeches,) kill them all.

“Can’t. Breathe,” Jaejoong gasps, “Please. Please calm down.”

The wolf blinks Yunho’s eyes. He frowns at Jaejoong, looks back at Jinki and sees him on his knees. And then the light in his eyes fades and the pressure lifts. “Sorry,” the wolf apologizes, “we did not mean to do that. We are angry.” He growls the last sentence.

“I know,” Jaejoong tells him.

“What happened?” Jinki asks, carefully, as if trying to figure out if this is something he needs to help sort out or not. He looks like he’d rather not.

“Disobedience,” the wolf growls again, attention turned back to the pair kneeling in the center of the living room. They do not look well at all, blood drained from their faces, breaths coming in short gasps. They’re petrified out of their minds. Jaejoong would be. 

“You disregarded our order,” Yunho turns back to the wolves on the floor, still kneeling. And strangely enough still clothed. What had happened? “Is this a challenge?”

“No,” Yoochun whines, “I would never, I wouldn’t. I will never be as strong as you.”

“Then why did you disobey us?” The presence lightens a little, allowing Yoochun to take a shuddering breath, some of his color returning. “We were going to release it. We were going to tell you it was ok. Tonight. We were even going to buy you both a hotel room for the evening. _But you couldn’t wait_.”

“We’re sorry,” Yoochun gasps, hand white where it grasps Boa’s, tears on both their faces. “We’re so sorry.”

“How did you do it?” Jinki asks. Probably for future reference, so he knows how to word his orders and not get thrown for a loop. Yunho crosses his arms. His hand is on Jaejoong’s head, his fingers (perhaps unconsciously) shifting aimlessly through Jaejoong’s hair. 

It’s scary, almost as scary as Yunho’s wolf, and Jaejoong shakes. He still cannot stand up.

“You—you said no sex. Explicitly, no _intercourse._ ”

“We did.”

“Blowjobs aren’t…technically.”

Jaejoong would have laughed were he not absolutely positive Yunho would have killed him for it. They get points for imagination at least, and Jaejoong glances up at Jinki to find the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.

“You can kneel here and think about that,” Yunho hisses, “while I cool down and try and convince my wolf it’s not worth killing you.”

He spins on his heel and is walking out of the living room before Jaejoong can even process it. Jinki lets go of his hand. “You should follow him. He’ll take to you keeping him sane a lot better than he will me. I’ll stay here with them.”

Follow Yunho. When he’s ready to kill everything and not care about the consequences. Jaejoong’s not sure he’s the best person to do that. Yeonhee’s still here. Maybe she should go talk to him.

“Nobody is following me anywhere,” Yunho’s voice growls out from his study and rolls around the entire house, “leave me alone.”

Jaejoong is more than happy to comply. He leaves Jinki to the two other wolves. Jaejoong wants to be alone as well, though when he shuffles back up to his room, Yeonhee’s still there, sitting on his bed.

“Shouldn’t you be with Yunho?”

“I may not be a werewolf, but I heard Yunho’s intent loud and clear. Right now it’s safer with you.”

“Why does everyone think that? Yunho doesn’t look at me any different except to lecture.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, though,” Yeonhee says, “Yunho favors you. He wants you to open up about yourself. He will never hurt you, Jaejoong, and I’m pretty sure if it meant getting a peek into your soul, Yunho would give you anything in the entire world, should you ask.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“He would, though I’m not sure you should test it out yet. Just know that he really does care about you.”

“He won’t. Not after he knows.”

“I don’t think you should make make judgements for other people, Jaejoong.”

_It doesn’t matter_ , Jaejoong thinks, and studiously ignores Wolf as he tries to convince Jaejoong that Yeonhee is right. _It really doesn’t._

“At least stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Jaejoong, you have to stay. You must. You’re going to tear this pack apart if you just up and leave. Please think about it.”

“I have been. A lot. And this is what I have to do, Yeonhee. I cannot stay here any longer.”

_I can’t._

— 

Leaving had to wait though, until Yunho’s anger abated somewhat. There is no sense in leaving when the Alpha is livid at everyone and everything; that will not end well for Jaejoong, favoritism or no.

Yunho finally lets Yoochun and Boa up after nearly an entire day of kneeling on the carpeted floor. If they hadn’t been werewolves their skin would probably be torn and bleeding.

He’s gentle as he holds them both, and Jaejoong has to swallow a lump in his throat as the Alpha whispers his forgiveness.

“He’s an amazing Alpha,” Junsu murmurs. He slips an arm around Jaejoong’s waist and they watch as Yunho leads Yoochun and Boa into the kitchen so they can eat something. 

Punishment over.

Well, that’s what they think, anyway. Junsu engages Boa in conversation, crooning into her ear and Jaejoong eyes Yoochun. He’s half bent over the counter, ass sticking up in a very inviting way and Jaejoong suddenly remembers the conversation he’d had with Yunho on the porch.

_Well._ He’s leaving, isn’t he? Jaejoong takes a deep breath and he aims for his target. Twice. He gets a third, vicious hit in before Yoochun whips around to stare at him incredulously.

“Ow!”

Jaejoong smirks.

“Did you just _hit_ me?”

“Spanked. And yes. I did.”

Yoochun’s jaw drops and Junsu titters from over Boa’s shoulder (Boa looks surprisingly calm.) “Why?”

Jaejoong grins. “Because I had permission,” he says, and then flees, laughing, before Yoochun can think of something to say in response.

A minute later, Yoochun erupts, “PERMISSION? PERMISSION TO SPANK YOUR SUPERIOR? KIM JAEJOONG, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT A SPANKING IS!”

Jaejoong nearly runs into Yunho at the top of the steps. The Alpha brushes a hand across Jaejoong’s lower back. “Feel free to spank him anytime.”

“I will.”

There’s a snort of indignation from downstairs that’s cut off and Jaejoong hears Boa say, “you can spank me instead, wolf of mine, how about that? I’ll even let you use—“ and Jaejoong blocks out of the rest of the conversation as best he can. There are some things ( _lots_ of things,) he really doesn’t need to know.

“Are you sure you want to lift that ban?”

Yunho gives him a strange look, sort of like he wants to laugh but can’t. “It’ll be fine. And if not, you really can find me a paddle, how about that?” He doesn’t look amused and Jaejoong briefly wonders if he’s actually considering it.

Jaejoong blinks. “Is something wrong?”

His Alpha sighs. “Jaejoong—I didn’t mean to snoop but. Why is your suitcase packed?”

And oh. _Oh._ Jaejoong’s heart sinks. He can’t lie. Yunho will able to tell if he lies. But Jaejoong can’t really tell the truth either.

“Jaejoong,” Yunho whispers, and he’s never sounded so desperate. Almost heart broken, but that can’t be right. Jaejoong is the only one in the pack with a broken heart.

“I—“ _I what? What can I say_?

“I know you don’t have a book signing. I know you don’t have to be anywhere. Why…are you going somewhere?”

Is he? He hadn’t settled on a destination. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t have words. _You could just tell him_ , Wolf suggests. But Jaejoong can’t. He _cannot_.

“Is it me? Did I make you angry, Jaejoong? Please say you’re not running from…us. From the the pack. From me.”

Yunho looks ready to get on his knees and beg. He looks crazy and upset—a different upset than he had been with Yoochun and Boa. _He’s upset with himself, you dumbass_ , Wolf says. But that’s not right either. So much is not right. This isn’t Yunho’s fault.

Jaejoong thinks back to what Yeonhee had said: _running is going to rip him to shreds._ It would. Jaejoong can see that now, the hint of pain in Yunho’s eyes as he waits for an answer.

“I’m—I’m not running.”

Yunho only looks slightly relieved.

“But I—“ _But I need to get the fuck away from everyone._ “I need space. For awhile. I just feel—caged. I need. I need some time to breathe. Away from everyone.”

“ _Why_?”

“Because this is hard. I know—I know you’re frustrated with me. You’ve been so patient but Yunho—I’m not ready for what you want. I can’t handle it yet and your desire to know is leaking out into the pack and they’re angry with me and they push me and now there’s _more_ of them and it’s only going to get worse. And if it gets bad enough I don’t know if I can—“ he stops. He’s said enough. “I just need some time to myself.”

Jaejoong expects Yunho to get angry.

But instead, Yunho starts to cry. Jaejoong’s Alpha actually breaks down into tears and Jaejoong is so shocked he can’t do anything except let Yunho grab his shoulders and pull him into a tight embrace. 

He smells good. He feels so, so good. Selfishly, Jaejoong closes his eyes and allows himself to take comfort within a pair of arms that he can never have. And God, does it feel so incredibly good. “Jaejoong,” Yunho whispers, “Jaejoong, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you feel like you have to leave to be comfortable.”

“It’s not—“

“It is,” Yunho insists, “I am so sorry for all of it. I have no right to demand anything of you. You help us all and you cook and you do things as a pack with us and I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry for expecting more of you. I’m sorry for not respecting your boundaries.”

Yunho’s not the only one crying, now, and if Jaejoong listens closely he thinks he hears Junsu sniffling downstairs. Of course, the whole pack would have heard him. He’d forgotten, momentarily, they they are not alone.

“Take the room I reserved for Yoochun and Boa. It’s only for a few nights, but if you still need time you can reserve it for longer, or go somewhere else. As long as you need, even if it’s months. Years. When you come back I promise I won’t push you. No one in the pack will push you.”

Years. Years without the pack. Without Yunho. Jaejoong doesn’t know what he had been thinking. Faced with the reality of it, he doesn’t think he could go that long without seeing Yunho.

He is so screwed. He’s doomed to a life of desolation and despair.

_Don’t be so dramatic_ , Wolf chides.

“I won’t be gone for a year,” Jaejoong promises, “but I need more than a couple days.”

“Okay. If you want me to pay for an extension I will.” He’s already trying not to smother Jaejoong. It’s kind of cute, and Jaejoong has to pull away before he gives into his urge to press his face up and kiss Yunho on the mouth.

_KISSING!_ Wolf cheers. Jaejoong ignores him.

“Can I drive you there?”

“I should take my car,” Jaejoong says.

Yunho almost looks disappointed. “Right. Right, that would make sense.”

In a fit of madness, Jaejoong reaches up and uses his hands to wipe away Yunho’s tears. The Alpha looks shocked. “Please don’t cry over me. It’s not worth it.”

He still has arms around Jaejoong and they’re suddenly quite warm. Close. They’re so, so close to each other. “Were you going to tell me?” Yunho asks, “or were you just going to leave?” 

Jaejoong thinks about the letter with a Hello Kitty sticker on it. “I…eventually,” he admits, unable to look Yunho in the eyes. “Eventually,” he whispers.

“You don’t have to hide from me. You don’t have to be afraid of me.” Yunho hadn’t held him like this since Jaejoong had joined the pack. He’d kept himself from it, hadn’t even allowed a single daydream.

He’d forgotten how amazing it felt.

“Will you cook us a goodbye meal, at least?”

Jaejoong closed his eyes, happy to be coddled, no strings attached, nothing but physical contact with his feelings and emotions and _shit_ locked up tight. He lets Yunho cradle the back of his head, tuck his face into his neck.“I can do that.”

 

— 

 

“You’ll come back? You promise?”

Junsu hasn’t stopped crying since Jaejoong has come downstairs. Not even Yoochun’s lewd jokes have managed to calm him down and so he clings to Jaejoong as he cooks and as they eat. Jaejoong had not expected this reaction, but he remains firm in his decision to leave.

Yunho orders the rest of the pack to clean the dishes while Jaejoong packs a few more things. Junsu sticks to him still, his distress over the whole incident still palpable in his face, still wiping his tears on his sleeves.

“Junsu-yah. You can’t be sad. The pack will need you.”

“I need _you_!”

“I need time to myself. I need to sort out my thoughts.”

“Jaejae,” Junsu whines. The submissive is the only one that gets away with calling Jaejoong that. “Please stay.”

“I can’t. I can’t any longer.”

“Was it me? Did I make you like this, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if it was me.”

“Oh, Junsu.” Jaejoong puts down his toothbrush and pulls Junsu into a hug. “It wasn’t you. It could never be you, darling, sweet, submissive.”

Sniffles turn back into full on sobs and Jaejoong rocks his friend, squeezes him tight. “Don’t be sad. You’re going to be so busy with auditions and you’re going to get an awesome part and I promise I’ll come see you.”

“You can’t be gone that long,” Junsu moans.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. But it’ll be better when I come back. I promise.”

Junsu sniffs and Jaejoong hands him some tissues. He’s pretty sure Yunho’s hovering just outside the door waiting to sweep the submissive wolf into a hug until he feels better. “Who am I going to cuddle with when I’m feeling lonely?” Junsu wails.

“Yunho,” Jaejoong says, “I bet—he looks like he’d be a good at that. And Yoochun’s pretty warm, if you can manage to pull him away from Boa.”

“But they’re not you.”

“No. But I’m not dying, Junsu. I’m coming back, I promise.”

Junsu sniffs. “Can I come with you to the hotel?”

“I don’t think you should. It’s only going to be harder if you know where I am. I need this, Junsu. I need to get away and think. I need time with Wolf to learn to control him better. I need so much and this is going to help me get there. Okay?”

Junsu blows his nose. “Okay. Can you…can you make me a cup of tea before you leave?”

On a whim, Jaejoong leans in and plants a kiss on Junsu’s cheek. “I’d love to.”

— 

With tea made and lots of hugs given out to the pack members, Jaejoong stands on the porch waiting for Yunho.

Yeonhee comes out before the Alpha though and gives Jaejoong a gentle smile. “If you want, I’ll stop sleeping with Yunho. He’ll be confused, but he’ll respect my wishes.”

For a moment, Jaejoong considers it. But he knows he doesn’t have a right. If he says yes, then he’s making a claim, and he’s not ready for that. Not yet. “No, I don’t have a right to stop you from doing that.” Wolf is growling but Jaejoong shoves him mentally. “When—if I want you to stop I’ll…I’ll tell you.”

She smiles, perhaps sadly. “Alright. Have a good vacation.”

As she’s leaving, Yoochun steps carefully out of the door and gives Jaejoong a smile. “I’m glad you know what you want,” he says. “But…if it’ll help you stay, you’re more than welcome to give me a thorough spanking. Whenever you want. I won’t even make a fuss.”

Jaejoong punches his arm. “You deserve it,” he agrees, “and I’m more than happy to give it to you, but it won’t make me stay.” He raises his hand, totally teasing, but Yoochun surprises him, scooping him up into a brief hug.

“No deal, then. Sorry. You have to hang around to be able to punish me.”

Jaejoong smacks him anyway, laughing as Yoochun pulls away, clutching at his bottom. “You have the hand of the devil. Fucking ow, Jaejoong.”

“I left instructions with Jinki,” Jaejoong shrugs, feeling zero remorse. “So you’ll get it one way or another.”

“You’re a terrible friend,” Yoochun accuses, and Jaejoong does not mention Yoochun’s watery eyes. They’d grown close, seeing as Yoochun had been the first pack member Jaejoong had met. “But I guess I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. I’ll be back.”

Yoochun leaves before Yunho catches him lingering, and by the time the Alpha slinks onto the porch, the sun has almost set. He’s pouting. _The things I’ve seen him do today_ , Jaejoong thinks wryly.

“Are you sure you need to do this?”

Jaejoong nods. “I need time to think. I need time to write. I’m going to come back, Yunho. I swear.”

“I’m going to hold you to that. Feel better, Jaejoong. I’ll try to make sure no one bothers you unless it’s an emergency.” 

Jaejoong nods.

For a moment, Yunho looks like he’s going to hug Jaejoong again. But all the Alpha does is pat his head a moment before stepping back. “Here.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a card. It’s a credit card, Jaejoong notices, and immediately tries to give it back. “No,” Yunho insists, “if I can’t be there for you physically or emotionally than I can at least give you some monetary help.”

“I’m not destitute, Yunho.”

“I know that. But I need to do something. If you really feel uncomfortable than just like…use it for the hotel. But I want you to buy fancy dinners and take train rides and just. Be better. I want you to feel better, Jaejoong, alright?”

Jaejoong swallows. “Fine.” He pockets the card carefully. “Thank you for letting me do this.”

Yunho smiles at him, something genuine and real that makes Jaejoong’s heart flutter before he can control it.

“Be safe, little wolf.” Yunho’s eyes lighten as he says this, and Jaejoong knows its the Alpha’s wolf speaking.

“We will,” Jaejoong promises, and tries to ignore the churning of his stomach at the endearment.

Yunho sends him off with another pat, and Jaejoong drives away without a backward glance.

— 

He cries, when he gets to the hotel room. He orders a bottle of wine with Yunho’s card and drinks the whole thing while he sobs broken-hearted into a fluffy white pillow. He doesn’t deserve them. They’re so kind, so nice, even though Jaejoong just up and leaves and doesn’t ever tell them anything.

“I’m going to be better,” Jaejoong tells the wine bottle, “I’m going to cut away everything I feel and I’m going to make an impenetrable prison in my soul so that I can lock away my emotions and be a better person for all of them.”

_I’m not sure that’ll solve things_ , Wolf comments.

“I have to try. You have to help me try, Wolf.”

And so they do.

Together, they build thick walls and a dark, deep pit and Jaejoong takes everything—Yunho’s tears and his hugs and his smiles and his warmth and his words and all that Jaejoong loves about him—and throws it into the pit. He locks it up tight with chains and door and complicated mechanisms and at the end of it all, not a whisper of Yunho is left.

_I’ll guard it,_ Wolf says, _for now. But if the time comes and I see an opportunity—_

“Don’t,” Jaejoong says. “Wolf, I need this. I need this time. I don’t want to talk about anything else.”

Wolf snorts.

Jaejoong buys another bottle of wine, drinks half of it, and then passes out.

— 

When Jaejoong wakes up in the morning, he is Yunho free. It’s strangely liberating.

“I can do this,” he tells himself. He starts his ipod and sings loudly as he showers. He gets dressed, orders breakfast and flings the curtains open wide. 

The sun streams in and Jaejoong begins anew. 

He begins _alone_.


End file.
